Life as we live it – Part 1

This is my journey from 2 years ago, that I wanted to share….  So, this is all about me and what I have been through, no names will be mentioned as everyone is private, will just be friend if I’m referring to a situation or loved one as I totally get how protective we are of our own life’s. Just thought I’d mention this, so no one freaks out – to be honest if you know me I’m not one to talk about others or loved ones so it’s all good hey ❤️.

For me it’s the little things that make a difference, not assuming going outside the square, random acts of kindness or just being nice to someone can make your day, I try and make less of a drama with a situation.

Anyhow, I said it’s going to be all over the place – I just have so much going on in my head that typing this is very therapeutic. I’m just so grateful for getting through out of the deep dark hole I was in as when you are at that place it’s scary the mind is a powerful thing even though your loved ones are there for you it takes control and you hate how it feels it’s a struggle to function, I’ve only just stopped shaking on Sunday – which was such a relief, I’ve been seeing Drs/Specialist/Chiro it wasn’t until on Sunday we were at close friends of ours that I saw a diagram in a book of a person that suffers anxiety and all the symptoms you have that the lightbulb went ✅ in my head, I didn’t know anxiety can cause so much grief to someone, I thought I was going crazy at times I think if I’d seen this picture at the start of six weeks ago it may of made more sense. I showed a loved one the picture and he laughed saying ‘That’s you the last 6 weeks’ I thought then and there I was lucky I have a great support network, wonderful family and friends, great services, I had tools for coping when the wave would hit me. I then realised what if there are others out there that don’t know they have this, feel so alone thinking they are the only one going through this, it made me sad suicide is such a common thing I wonder, there is such a stigma with depression, yet it’s so common very rare that I just open up being honest with what I’m going through 9 times out of 10 that person has either been through it or knows someone or a loved one that is currently suffering with it.

If my words can help one person, then I’m happy as I find the more you share your own mind health you get great advice.

Writing for me has got me through I’ve had so much jumble going on in my head it’s got me through, mind you at one stage I started handwriting in a journal, unfortunately I was unable to do this as my energy was so depleted the effort to write was just exhausting so typing didn’t seem as hard.

Think this is all for the moment, I will be back I’m already feeling relaxed getting this out of my head space. Have a lovely day, listen to the birds they really make me happy with their singing ❤️.

So, I have been wracking my brain the last few months soul searching if anything as I love to write also help people every time I try work it out how this is going to be done I struggle with how I can do this, what format to use, where to start so after lots of thought, this morning when I woke this came to mind as I’m on Day 3 with no anxiety I forget things all the time, not so bad now or at the moment. I’m just going to do this, no real format just what’s on my mind, rawness ready to help someone by sharing what I have been through the last 6 weeks also sharing my life lessons.

For me I can do this, there will be no routine as I haven’t been able to have one, maybe just starting this will set me off. I’m so passionate about this I start to shiver typing.

Stay tuned I will update this as I can – I just want to help others, this could be my starting point, no pressure.

Now you can choose to read this as at times these words that are coming out of my head aren’t going to be pretty, unfortunately I can’t control my mind and I’m shaking/crying why I write this – I’ll tell you what though crying helps me, it gets the emotions out that get stuck inside. The frustrating thing for me is I can’t control it, it’s like a wave of craziness that just takes hold and I struggle to breathe, I know why it’s happened though I’m at home my loved ones have gone out, we are heading to my a housewarming tonight I’m really excited to see my loved ones as I always just love them all so god damn much, I’m trying to do so many things at once that my mind just can’t keep up with me it’s telling me to stop and have a breather, you know I’m feeling better already just writing this.

All morning I have wanted to write, just kept pushing it aside – now I know it would of helped me.

This is only short and sweet, I feel better already, mind thing gone.

Have a lovely weekend with your loved ones, enjoy the sun 🌞.

This is the first part of my journey which occurred over 2 years ago, I will update as I go along …. Stay tuned.

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