My Mind Health – Sunday 9 December 2018

Well what a week, I don’t know if it’s just this time of year, the universe has been testing my strength lately and taking a deep breath as I let the inner thoughts flow out as fast as I can type I feel okay today.

So where can I start well let’s just say spending a few hours in after hours at Maitland Hospital on Thursday morning can start to paint a picture of how my week has been.

I start off every week with the thought of achieving progress with my other hobby and this just doesn’t happen at the moment.

Back to after hours …. the incident happened Tuesday early evening, I just want to stress just how quickly events can change and you can be the best parents in the world it only takes a second for something to happen.

My kids who are old enough to be responsible on the roads come with us and ride their skateboards with us, we have done this numerous times each time they get more and more confident, we always have Rosie as well, so normally my daughter stays on the footpath going down the hill so she has the grass on either side, she just thought she’d follow her brother on the road who has a better skateboard and more experienced, one minute I’m distracted with Rosie the next I see my daughter stacking it on the road, so glad she had a helmet on as she hit hard and the moment it happened she just got up in shock came running to me with skin hanging off her and blood running down her arms, I just sprinted towards her wanting to stop the pain it was gut wrenching and scary as you feel useless and you just want to stop the pain.

The arm ended up being treated as a fracture and is healing really well.

Thursday 13 December 2018

I’m feeling exhausted today the last few days have taken it’s toll on me and I’m very emotional trying not to loose my shit just over thinking.

It’s funny how things work out and it hurts that I am at times useless with functioning dependent on others to just be, I was given the chance to try and achieve some ownership. You can’t see on the inside what others can see and I guess it’s how this illness effects me, you can be stressed and you just keep pushing through not seeing what is happening, you wish you could be like you used to and it’s just not happening.

I’m getting emotional just offloading this from my mind and I’m in my own world sitting in a busy waiting room just breathing not too be overwhelmed.

Life is just challenging at times I know for everyone, I am trying so hard to not let this illness consume who I am.

I know I’ve changed, whether it’s the loss of my dear father and mother in law coming up three years I’m just not the same as I was and as much as I wish I could have more energy I just haven’t it frustrates the crap out of me that I’m always tired and the guilt eats me.

So I’m a mess today, emotionally, physically I’m literally crying and not really caring about what is happening around me.

It is what it is and I just have to realise that I’m grateful for where I’m at it just hurts to know that once again I have been defeated with this mind health and I am now a blubbering mess just trying to get through.

I got through this moment of emotions, with the lovely support of Little Sprouts I had acupuncture to just calm me and it worked I’m grateful for this. The waves can hit you without you knowing it’s just crazy you try to hide away in your own little space so no one notices you, it’s just how it is.

Anyhow I’m feeling a lot better after my emotional outburst it does help to cry and I’m not embarrassed it’s all good.

As you can see it’s been a while since I wrote last, life just consumes you at times it just flies by so quickly.

It really helps to talk and not assume as we all have perceptions of what others think not really knowing the reasons behind someone caring so deeply for you that they are worried about you not trying to control you, this just deepens the bond of this connection. So always express what is on your mind as perception can change everything for better brighter times ahead.

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