My Mind Health – 20 December 2018

Deep breaths today, the frustration is real and I can’t explain this roller coaster of what I feel, defeated, one thing at a time, just be happy you idiot you have the perfect life, I’m contemplating going for a run as I’m emotional I’m trying not to overthink the darkness that tries to overtake the normality of my life, my head is itchy frustrated with this mind health I just have to push through and be strong. When I have time my mind goes into overload, struggling to stay on task and not feel sorry for myself.

I just have to keep moving, I feel broken like a faulty toy that is never going to work it’s full potential, I am trying so hard to just be me and it hurts that I keep loosing myself to this mind health, I let the tear roll down my cheek surrendering to the reality of you can be good one day then crap the next, I was good yesterday why does this keep tearing me down why am I fighting a loosing battle I wish I could just be content with this craziness.

Deep breath I just have to take one step in front of the other, be strong for my loved ones just let this sadness disappear just keep moving using my tools to just get through, we all need help I know this in different ways for each of us, this is me no false walls I know it’s crap I’m frustrated life isn’t supposed to be roses we all have someone suffering with something that is sad and heart breaking I know this, it’s not a poor me it’s a let’s be real communicate our truth you can be judged I get this, when you receive rainbows though the heart ache is so worth it. Feeling better just getting this out, playing this tug o war with grateful not so grateful, it is okay not to be okay, just know when your light isn’t that bright it will be a little brighter soon, don’t give up on yourself you are all special in our own little ways.

I felt quite overheated getting back from my run this morning, it was worth it though especially with the cold shower afterwards my mindset was not struggling I had more energy and I felt good for achieving something that wasn’t easy.

The day was pretty much consumed with a couple of appointments so I was quite distracted, I had another NET (Neuro Emotional Technique) session at Chiro so was feeling very pleased.

Still amazes me how quickly the mind can be distracted letting the light shine in to outshine the dark moments that find their way in, taking your control, it def helps to get out of the house, go out I ended up really enjoying the day, spending valuable time with my daughter just hanging out and connecting.

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