Spending time with family is something I cherish and always will, we arrived at my mums place greeted with views of beauty, I can’t help but feel sad here I truly feel my Dad wherever I look, I see everything that made him smile the birds, the water the sound of the ocean, everything. There is no Christmas Tree up only music playing which reminds me when Dad was sick and that’s all he wanted to listen to prior to him leaving us. So it’s hard to not remain sad and mum is solemn I can see it hasn’t been easy for her, especially this time of year, so distraction is what’s needed we try and keep busy with doing things we go for a walk to the break wall which is just beautiful the water is an awesome turquoise colour little and big fish are camouflaged amongst the weed, the breeze is refreshing the temperature is perfect. Kids are happy they have an ice cream it’s nice just being together.
I realise this is the first time since Dad passed that we are here this time am reminded that this day was his funeral.
I know this time of year should be about togetherness and joy, I just feel robbed I know why Mum doesn’t want the Christmas Tree up I get this, it seems if we were joyful that this doesn’t seem fair to be this way, celebration of loosing our father just doesn’t feel right.
I wasn’t here last year we were overseas having a white Christmas there was no time to ponder to be sad we were so distracted with being in another country it was really good for my Mind Health.
I still have songs from Mums stuck in my head, I have just taken my Rosie girl for a run/swim it’s hot already. I am going to try and not dwell on sadness I struggled with this at mums I know this.
Maybe in my own environment things will change, I loved being with my family over Christmas I just struggled to be me, to not feel exhausted all the time.
In saying this, no migraines for over a week, I have been so good with my gluten free, it’s easier then what I thought I’m hoping this is what causes my migraines. Then at least I can control what causes them, it’s amazing how strong the mind is, pain isn’t worth that quick fix of wheat, there are so many alternatives to have, just read the ingredients list.
Most importantly I’m having all my supplements, with my antidepressants, everything helps to keep me from tipping over.
I took some photos of the views which means a lot to my family while we were away over the Christmas Break.