My Mind Health – Saturday 5 January 2019

Taking time to just ponder and people watch is very relaxing, so while I wait I take this opportunity to write, why not so I’m a picker as in if any of my skin is bare I’m irritable and it’s now a habit, I have passed this habit on and can see what damage it can cause. The beauty of sharing is that you can learn from others, so have been trialing bubble wrap which seems to be helping just doing the squeezing and release is the outcome or action that deters you from doing it to yourself.

This morning I used the app Calm for Mindfulness, you have a free 7 day trial, my first meditation I have done in a long time, I just sat where I was at the table and breathed, I need to do this more just concentrate on the breathe, there are times when I just say to myself just breathe, like it’s complicated for me to do something so natural.

I am in my own little world a lot, everyone just seems to be busy it’s exhausting just watching, the coming and going of others.

I’m trying to work out what each person has on in their world as they walk past with their groceries. It’s Holiday time still so lots of festivities are continuing.

This was Saturday it’s now Wednesday, an update !! I’m laying in bed writing I can hear music (the jjjs) playing in the background, my head is scratchy and I’m tingling with anxiety or frustration my head is heavy I already have started a to do list to focus on staying on task, my mind keeps wandering I’m trying to put in place my grateful list.

I learn new things everyday, my feet are twitching just got to keep one foot in front of the other, just breathe it seems easy right, you don’t realise the simplest of things should be routine, I know I just have to keep moving get out of this rut, happiness is something that each of us can have naturally and for others it just doesn’t seem that way it’s a constant battle the more we want to be content the harder it seems to be, you can have everything your heart desires you will never be satisfied with what lays in front of you. When you have contentment if you get that feeling it can be taken away as quickly as it comes it’s scary you loose the hope of fulfillment the journey you are constantly on just trying to be yourself, forever changing and loosing the person you used to be, my right foot is rotating again confirming my frustration. It is what it is I go back into there are so many others suffering with other illnesses stop with the self pity crap, I don’t have energy like I used to I can only do so much these days, enthusiasm is exhausting I want to have more energy to help others to share this journey it just brings you down, I look fine from the outside I’m struggling when I’m by myself I think too much then I struggle to be in the moment.

At work I’m different I’m distracted I’m around beautiful people that have energy I enjoy the laughter and banter while using my brain.

This is just life, I learn everyday am grateful for all my beautiful loved ones I’m aware that my mind health is always lurking, if I didn’t have this I wouldn’t have had the most beautiful people I now have in my life I am on my path that I have always known is the one for me.

Sharing is caring, keep walking towards the light sometimes it’s dim just slowly getting brighter, don’t give up x

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