With a slight throb on the RH side of my head I’m feeling quite sad and devastated!!! How come this has come back I’m doing everything right it’s sending my mind into overdrive what have I done different to normal I’m trying not to let this upset me, it’s just I thought I had the solution to not getting these, maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks with me am I just imagining that this headache is here, I hope this is the answer.
I’m learning all the time about depression it makes sense everything I hear I just want to share this so we can help each other. There is so much emotion inside of me when I listen or learn about this illness I want everyone to know how important it is that it’s not going to go away by itself we have to help each other, get back to basics.
My head ache got worse it was the toss up of do I take pain killers to numb my brain, problem is with this I don’t have a brain and am in a fog, or do I fight this and just push through.
It got worse every minute I was just trying to do normal routine things I just started crying realising it had me again in it’s hold that it had come back with a vengeance, I started going into overdrive what have I done to cause this, did I do something different, I love my work it’s my place where I have confidence the thought of this lovely mind health taking this away from me just undone me. I took two Panadol at that stage then tried to process my next steps, I really knew something wasn’t right I knew I couldn’t drive just breathing was becoming a challenge I texted work I was going to try and sleep this off, I felt ill I started getting the twitches, can this really be happening if I had something that I knew would of caused this I’d be like you did this to yourself, I hadn’t though.
Since before Christmas I just don’t have gluten, if there is gluten I just don’t eat it, it’s been achievable to not have pain overrides food, you can still have a good variety of all the foods and I feel good for this.
So you can imagine the frustration I am feeling with this happening, as I truly believed this was what was triggering my migraines.
So I’m going to turn a negative into a positive be grateful for my beautiful life, my son knew I wasn’t right this morning he came and lied next to me which was just lovely, he knew our cat Leo would give me comfort so he brought him to me.
Leo my black beautiful big cat just lied right next to me his warmth calming me down, it was a nice relief I instantly started to relax.
So trying not to feel defeated I ended up having the heavy painkillers knowing that this was the only way for me to get through, my mind was trying to bring me down and hope was looking very slim at this point do I just surrender to the fact that this is it, is this happening for a reason am I bringing this on myself, who bloody knows!! You try and seek reason for this it’s hard when you feel like yes I have worked this out then it still keeps coming back I’m not going to let this beat me, it’s 11 am the pain has subsided my kiddies have gone out for the day I’m just going to put one foot in front of the other, it is what it is, this mind health isn’t totally going to control me I just have to believe that there is a light there are so so many others suffering far worse I love my life I have to just take little steps don’t expect the sun just a little cloud is covering it today.