Thursday 31 January 2019
I wake up this morning, thinking isn’t it very fitting that the No.1 Song for Hottest 100 is called Confidence, there was over 2 million votes, that’s saying something, we all want to have our own Confidence it’s what we believe in, we teach our children everyday to be themselves and to be a good person. Wow, if only we could all have this…. or feel like this is achievable.
Friday 1 February 2019
Yesterday a wave tried to take me, it happened so quickly that I lost my breathe, I got help as I needed this at the time, that’s I guess the beauty of sharing my journey, I know I can do this I just have to believe in myself that I can, this other person made me feel like I could stay on top, the inner layers of kindness and heartfelt is shown when paranoia try’s to take over, I’m so grateful for the beautiful people I have in my life, this was a little bump and I got through, it came out of nowhere so strong I just had no control, things have been put into place for me that will help me to overcome my fears of loosing myself, just getting this out a tear rolls down my cheek, I was so exhausted last night when the waves come they take it out of me, I pushed through knowing if I stopped it would be harder to start up again.
At times we will be bright and want to be bright all the time, really this can be a lot of effort I’m not getting dark I might just loose the brightness some days, it will come through in little rays not from not trying though without all my tools, No more blue, today is a new day.
I write to let others know that this is real that you can have everything your heart desires, the darkness tries to come in and at times there is nothing you can do but let the wave come in and just ride it get through this with help from others that truly believe in you, no matter what you are being told within, everything can be in place, doing the right things it’s just what it is, sometimes this wave can knock it out of me for two days or more I’m so fragile that anything that I would normally be strong with is too scary to face.
I wish I could just be what I was before, it’s just one step forward six steps back at times.
Saturday 2 Feb 2019
Today is going to be brighter, I know that I have others that are far worse, I get this and I want to give them hope by reading my words that this is just a little pebble this week there will be more, life is about learning to live with what path we travel on and to do our best when we are faced with challenges.
Yes I could lie and say this is just a walk in the park, I’ve got this what is all the fuss about, that’s not me it’s just about being true to yourself knowing you can get through the waves and come out, knowing your not alone that we can all help each other, I know it feels this way, just don’t give up we are all on a journey we are all special and unique.
Try to not be blue, it’s okay not to be okay x