From Dark to Light

Saturday 9 February 2019

Yep, I’m saddened that at times you think to yourself, you’ve got this you start to feel like everything is okay, you are constantly worried about making the right choices, that you wish you had more energy to be able to keep up with everything that’s going on in this life.

When I was 12 we were so protected and sheltered, I grew up 20 kms from town with three other siblings, we didn’t watch too much TV outside was where we spent most of the time, google or internet weren’t an option.

This week I realised you can be the best parent think you know your kids, then realise that it’s not them you have to worry about it’s the platforms that they have access to that really in comparison with when we were that age there is far more outlets for young teenagers to share their inner thoughts with an audience that really are they real people or are they disguises of someone pretending they are what they are not, it scares me as I realise the influences that something that is fake is making decisions or thoughts control our children.

There is a perception that I witnessed this week, which really breaks my heart, I’m still trying to come to terms with the why, it hurts when you think you know your child, they have everything going for them, loving family, great lifestyle, wonderful environment. Yet there is this image that needs to be shown which I don’t get, the selfies, the online conversations, why not be satisfied with what is in front of you, connect with real people.

Sunday 10 February 2019

It’s the fine line of getting the balance and tipping over the edge, today I did my usual run with Rosie, I come home and I feel sick, I’m not a fast runner I know this I do it for head space and my waistline oh and for Rosie as she gets to cool down.

This week has been a challenge, I’m not sure if I’m making the right decisions and I’m sad that the reality of life can change things that you thought you knew.

My breathing is starting to ease, just releasing the jumble of emotions caught up inside me is helping, breathe deep breaths.

I know I’m loved, I know my children depend on me for guidance and strength it’s just hard at times to be strong when I’m struggling to achieve the basics, don’t be blue I keep chanting trying to change my mind, anything to overcome what is trying to drag me down to despair.

I can do this, I know I can, this is why I’m still here helping others get through the real ness of this mind-health/depression.

I wish I could just have more strength at times be someone that doesn’t take things to heart, dwell on things that I shouldn’t.

One day at a time for me, just do my best, let the journey takes it path the way it should be taken.

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