From Dark to Light

Wednesday 13 February 2019

Confidence, it’s hard to have this when you feel like you get to a certain point then you be honest then this is stripped from you then things change all the time that you thought you had some ownership of what you have.

It hurts and until you have been in this same place the frustration is something that doesn’t go away and you want to believe that you can do this it’s really hard to keep pushing through as you feel like this will be taken off you as well.

I get that it’s business, I totally do and I don’t want favoritism, I can’t help but take this personally I try to be like oh well it is what it is, it’s just hard.

You see I know I’m lucky I have flexibility, which has made me truly give it my all when I’m there.

At times I don’t believe this is good for my headspace, I loose the faith or the will of why I try each time, why am I like this it makes me angry that I’m so sensitive I have paranoia all the time, I try to fight this it just feels like I’m so alone.

So today is a new day, I will try and just do my best, not take things to heart as such.

Life isn’t meant to be easy, I know this, what others perceive that wow I would love to work three days that’s such a great balance, yes it is if it is your choice I would love more it’s just not going to happen, I’m scared to even think that I can achieve more responsibility, it’s this oh well be happy with what you have, be satisfied, I hope I will be one day still have hope that this is attainable.

Maybe …

So the frustration kept building yesterday, I was getting angry and loosing control of who I am as a person. Communication is such a important tool it has to be used all the time at home out everywhere as it’s what we interpret or assume. It’s not easy to speak my mind and I’m really lucky I have been honest as there is no hiding that some days I’m good others I struggle. I’m starting to believe this could be caused by stress as well, as my mind goes into overdrive when something I thought I had control of is not in my clasp.

Talking, getting the emotions out is exhausting it’s also reassuring, I love what I do, I wish I could be better at my role, have more confidence in myself, I would rather work twice as long getting it right then rush through getting it wrong.

I know I’m not alone, today is a new day I’m starting everyday as a new beginning trying not to dwell trying not to be blue, feeling grateful that others believe in me, I have to prove that there is a light not to give up that we can get through this together, I am so lucky for the support and love I receive, I will just keep moving one step forward a few back I have to just do my best.

I know there are so many others suffering far worse, I just want to share that you just have to keep pushing through the hard stuff, believe that even a little step forward is better then not trying to achieve, I am not going to be blue today, just do one thing at a time knowing that I am loved x

Thursday 14 February 2019

Today is a new day and I’m super excited about the future and sharing my journey with my next adventure, what if there is hope that you can get out of the mindset that your stuck in by re-tracking your neuropaths in your brain to optimise your brains true potential, I had my first appointment yesterday it was like a lightbulb moment and I want to share this with others, I’m trying to keep contained, what I was explained and shown made sense, and the knowledge and information that I am learning is starting to lead to this.

My Mind is in overdrive, I have hope that this could be the start to something that could help so many others out there.

I am here to share the knowledge I’m learning with this mind health we all need to help each other x

During my appointment yesterday there were so many things that made sense why the above emotions I wrote about keep occurring, that stress is causing my migraines, that I’m not going crazy that there are reasons for all of my moments that are playing out, that my mind is in a fog that I don’t have the brainpower that I had before and it’s so frustrating.

So I’m hoping that this new training that I will undertake could be the answer of bringing me back again. We can only keep trying, don’t give up keep doing your best x

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