From Dark to Light

Thursday 21 February 2019

Today I woke at 4 am, I don’t help myself though staying up later then normal, I had the bed to myself so I took advantage of watching late TV.

I know my brain doesn’t seem to be doing what it should, it’s frustrating, it is what it is.

I’m excited and nervous as I have my second appointment to have neurofeedback which is something that could hopefully help me to find myself again.

The timing is perfect, I’ve really struggled with normal function of just doing basic things, staying on task, quite emotional. To say the least.

So first things first we had a discussion on what my week has been, then surface electrodes were placed on my scalp for purpose of recording EEG.

The process is non invasive, I had to stare at a computer screen for 60 seconds with my eyes open then another 60 seconds with my eyes closed, this happened three times for each part of my brain where the surface electrodes were placed at different areas.

This EEG that was performed was an arousal assessment, majority of my symptoms matched up to under arousal, nearly every symptom matched the end result.

I was somewhat relieved and excited as well.

It explained why I feel exhausted constantly and how I am most of the times, here is a few of the symptoms:

Distractibility, frequent daydreaming, spaciness/fogginess, forgetful, confused thinking, lack of motivation, depression/low mood, Lethargy, sensitive/feelings easily hurt, not feeling rested after sleep to name a few.

My EEG resulted with the brain wave cycles tested that my brain was constantly in the under active which means the thinking part or emotional part is taken over and confirms at times why everything seems so hard, a real effort. It also explains why I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea a year ago, it explains why I get exhausted easily.

My Psychologist confirmed that it would be like I had a hand brake on with everything I do, that gradually the handbrake will start to ease off, with this will come more energy.

This also confirmed why I get migraines as it’s just putting to much pressure on my body to just be me, remember the brain controls everything so if it’s in sleep mode it’s throwing mixed messages to all parts of my vital organs, it could explain a lot of things like my low heart rate, blood pressure, it’s really quite fascinating.

My goal is to have more energy, to not be as tired all the time, I think this is achievable, we can only try different options as our makes vary so what could work for one may not work for the other.

I have to keep trying, giving others hope that there is a light, even if I get a little bit more energy will be a bonus.

Sunday 24 February 2019

Continuing on with my life, feeling good just did my Sunday run with Rosie which I love, believe me it’s not easy and I’m no fast runner, I just know if I don’t do it I will regret it, you would think it would be easy as I run twice a week, it’s not, it’s a slog, I see how much joy Rosie gets from it is worth it as this weather lately has been really hot our fur babies really struggle so any relief is rewarding for them.

So even though running exhausts me I’m definitely feeling more positive and less lethargic.

It’s such a mind space that we live in.

I really struggled yesterday, I always communicate this to my hubby as he now realises with me writing the internal battles I have just how debilitating this illness is. I was just tired all day, felt like crap, everything took a lot of energy, I felt like I was in a cloud or fog one of the two.

Remember each day is a new day and today after my run, yes I was fatigued after I had breakfast I am def in a different head space to yesterday I don’t feel as exhausted or not motivated, there is more spark in me, I wonder if it’s the run or just coincidence.

I’m more positive and feel happier.

Take care, don’t be blue, I will continue my journey of sharing what I learn to help each other.

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