From Dark to Light

Wednesday 6 March 2019

I’m super !! Yes super excited for my appointment today with the Clinic I am going to for Neurofeedback. You have to realise that we are the only ones that can change our destiny, you have to believe in yourself that there is hope that you can get through the tough days as everyday can be a new beginning.

So I’m learning about myself all the time, normally if I was bedridden for a day I would go down the dark path of why me, this time I was like oh well I just did too much I have to be more careful, so I changed the mindset of poor me to I will be more mindful of this next time.

I had my first real session last week of Neurofeedback, I have to admit that I definitely felt a little lighter the next day, I don’t want to get too excited though as this can have the opposite effect.

I will basically explain in my words what I went through, I was sitting in front of a computer screen I had sensors placed on different areas on my head to align with the brains neuropaths as well as my ears.

Depending on what my areas of need is determined by the Psychologist if I need Beta waves (more active) this is measured also with Delta waves (less active)

Graphic Picture of mountain with road leading to this with white lines in the middle like you are driving along, you stare constantly at the horizon a bird appears every time your within the range of the training.

So far after the Neurofeedback I’ve noticed straight away I’m hungry that my belly is rumbling, this is then confirmed that I have already broken the old neuropath of my brain and that a new path has been formed as my depression medication is masking that I’m hungry, this makes sense to me as don’t get me wrong the medication I’m taking is helping me, to keep me not going over the edge, it’s like it creates a barrier around certain neuropaths so it really isn’t fixing my mind just keeping it at idle so it doesn’t tip over, so I really feel this is working as the Neurofeedback is creating new paths breaking the cycle.

I learn everyday new things, I am so passionate it really is about educating others of the options there are out there, reducing the overwhelmed effect that this causes, communicating that your not going crazy, your not alone, this is something that can happen to anyone, it’s something no fault yet we still struggle with talking about it, being judged, being real is the starting point, I’ve learnt so much this last 3 years everyone is different we are all on different paths, I know that talking to others I love the knowledge that is shared, I feel very lucky to have these opportunities to try different therapies of helping me.

I’ve realised that if I have a big day which for me was doing to much on Wednesday, example doing a run then driving to Newcastle having various appointments that I’m just pushing my limits, so Thursday I struggled with exhaustion at times to the point where I started getting exhausted that I would feel quite sick and nervous, so I’m listening to my body more, sleeping if I need a rest to just get through.

I’m also detoxing my body as well, I have wonderful services that I go to like Little Sprouts Chiro I’m really aware now that what I eat effects my brain so gut health is really important as well, gluten (superglue in food) I just can’t risk having it sends the same signals to my brain that plays havoc with my happiness, it’s scary, I shake I’m emotional, I feel like I’m in a fog on the edge I can’t function very well.

So life lessons it just isn’t worth the risk, so I still am having supplements daily to keep me at balance, my B1, B3, B6, B12 and Ionic Zinc when I take my Zoloft medication.

So for me everyday is a new day, I can only do my best, I’m proud of where I’m at, it’s a challenge at times, I’m determined though there are times with this illness that it completely disappears and you feel like there is nothing wrong, you start to question yourself is this all in your head am I just over reacting with things. I think that’s what really is scary, that there are days when your really good, then just like that it can hit you, you loose your self it hits you weighs you down like you have no desire or energy to even just breathe, you loose part of you it’s really debilitating and so frustrating, your mind goes into overdrive, what have I done, yes I as you blame yourself for causing this, it can bring you down so fast it knocks the wind out of you.

This is real, it’s not something that you would want anyone to have let alone our own children, the thing is you can’t really see anything it can be so subtle it’s only if you have been through it you can see little signs of the despair in front of you.

So if I doubt or you have a gut feeling, just act on it as they won’t for me as an adult it’s the hardest thing to admit you are broken for our children it would be worse as they are still navigating life’s pathways, they don’t want to add extra inconveniences into our life’s, so we need to take charge take the steps for them to get help to educate them they are not alone that this is really common that we are all learning how our body reacts to stress and what this does to our minds making us think differently.

Every day is a new day, don’t be blue, just do your best, that’s all anyone can do.

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