From Dark to Light

Honesty is the best policy, I’m up to session 6 of my Neurofeedback I felt better then I have all week as soon as my session was done.

I have been in a fog since Monday, had the most awesome weekend away with beautiful family and friends, doing something out of the norm doesn’t agree with my head space or really just being out of routine. I have been very fatigued since the weekend as well as headaches just dull ones, I know I’m still on this pathway to feeling lighter I have to be real about what I’m feeling as it’s not easy to expect this to just be done with so quickly.

I have good days and not so good where I could sleep I feel frustrated as I have no go in me still. I’m still pleased with where I’m at I just don’t want to get too excited!! There is still doubt when I mention to others what I’m discovering I can see this and I get it.

This feels good I’m letting this out, the tension is releasing I need to just air these thoughts, I’m changing all the time, I know that I’m a work in progress that I can’t overdo things like normal people as life is sucked out of me, the weekend away was good I just can’t expect to keep up as this exhausts me, I know I’m not alone with this, that there are so many others in silence.

I have come a long way so far with my reduced depression symptoms, a survey I took prior to starting these Neurofeedback sessions scores have scaled from Moderate Depression down to Normal Depression within 5 sessions so changes are definitely occurring for the best outcomes.

I pretty much do my Redefine Clay Mask each night, once I rinse this off I can literally feel my face tightening with the active ingredients doing their thing, I still believe that when I was at my lowest feeling like nothing was worthwhile just using these products did make me feel good, that little goodness glowing through was keeping me from toppling over, confidence is something that can help just keep one foot in front of the other, as long as I looked good from the outside the wall of protection could keep the inner craziness contained on the inside.

So I’m continuing this journey of life, knowing that I am getting close to that light at the end, I truly believe that you can’t give up to keep searching for answers, I do wish I had a magic wand that could make everyone better, ridiculous as this sounds you have to believe in the unbelievable why not.

Thursday 4 April 2019

Struggled today, had a gluten breach last night, after being so good at Byron Bay could not fathom this occurring.

Will be interesting how the next few days pan out, especially since I’m having my weekly Neurofeedback.

Last night I was told that I’m not loving, I guess I’m struggling with me head space this week, I’m feeling flat, no real go in me, that I can’t explain this Neurofeedback is taking it’s toll on me, I’ve been exhausted all week, at least having one sleep a day to get me through, it feels like I have gone backwards.

I have had a gluten breach which doesn’t help, could be causing me to feel lost in a thick fog.

So I feel out of whack this week, like the life has been sucked out of me, it’s hard not to feel like crap when this happens, I just struggle with momentum.

I’m trying to justify what or why I feel like this, my old paths are trying to fight to take control, I can feel them, it sends me within myself I don’t mean to be like this, honestly I really can’t tell until I’m told, so little steps with this journey.

I know now it’s not going to be a easy fix, how can it be, I just have to just be patient listen to my body more, don’t overdo it as I really feel I did last weekend, that’s why I’m fatigued all this week.

So life lessons, once again, don’t be blue.

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