From Dark to Light

Wednesday 24 April 2019

It’s been a while, I’m feeling quite exhausted, whether it was the let’s eat my Darrell Lea Rocky Road Egg all in one afternoon, or just gluten catching up with me from the long weekend, my lovely migraine came back with vengeance, today was a fog which was fine I just kept busy not trying to dwell too much, this seemed to work if I was distracted I got through lots of tasks.

Feedback is always something that I love to get, it just gives me that extra push to keep doing what I’m doing, for me receiving this just can make my day, just telling someone that they make you smile can make that other person know they are not alone, there is still stigma it’s definitely shifting though which is great the thickness of being in that fog is lifting, I’m so excited for the future, I really feel like I could be on the crossroads to what my future holds, whatever you do, don’t give up, just push through it’s so worth everything especially our beautiful kids, we have to give them direction on life, that honestly you need to work to achieve your dreams.

Being real is something I have always been, just being honest if I’m not coping with life, letting them know why I’m tired, they understand appreciate honesty, so there is no real shock if something isn’t going the way it should.

Highlights for Easter was family time was awesome for me, getting up early the first two mornings jogging with my sisters while soaking up the beauty that laid upon us was sweet. The vibe was brilliant with lots of families happily enjoying great food with spectacular views, turquoise water, was memorising everyone was friendly, it makes you realise how lucky we are. Constant reminders of Dad everywhere which normally I would get emotional now I’m just happy as this was his happy place, I can see this why he loved it so. It’s taken a few years to overcome my Dad leaving us due to his heart, I probably will never forget the moment as it was special we were all present it was surreal yet calming, really the whole process was like we were in a dream watching everything in front of us, him leaving us not really having control yet ….. still in denial. I lied I still get emotional so I was testing myself to see and yes I could still cry, I just don’t ever want to forget his voice, him calling me grub, crazy isn’t it, grown woman still yearning for those words.

Time is something that helps, I know this, everyone is different in how they deal with loss, unfortunately denial is what state we are in as we don’t want to face the reality of what is in front of us.

Anyhow enough deep stuff, the journey I’m on I’m learning something everyday, I am curious more about life, wanting to read more about life educating myself instead of my soft romance reading.

Thursday 25 April 2019

Today is a day of rememberence for our soldiers who fought so we can live a life in an environment that makes us very grateful. It makes me sad and proud that so many dedicated their lives, which the ones that return still are tarnished from what they experienced, that’s the thing there are so many good people that do wonderful things for others, it’s sad that there are people that can hurt innocent ones, lately the news hasn’t been the nicest, breaks my heart really at times.

We did the Anzac Walk at Newcastle today, it was such a beautiful day, actually hot, the beach was full, people swimming, frolicking in the water, lying in the sun under shades, was a happening place, apparently the water is warm, lots of tourists around, you could see it really is a family day for most.

I didn’t have my Neurofeedback yesterday, it really is changing my life, I have more control, I’m reading about the brain, I truly believe I’m experiencing something that is life altering for anyone, that this is what could cure what is becoming a epidemic. I know this deep down, I am only one voice though, with a platform that I struggle to get traction, it is what it is, my goal is to help so many others. I know it is starting to slide, I get quite overwhelmed with where to start at times, just concentrate on getting better then when this does occur everything will hopefully fall into place, things will just eventuate how they should.

I get like this with my Skincare as well, I believe in the products they are amazing I loose traction of how to show others the benefits, it’s like all my energy is sucked out just trying to function, I want to be this amazing creative person, I really struggle to know at times what direction I’m going.

So I’m lying here, pondering on where I’m at, no pain, bonus, had a run late this afternoon, when I say run it’s a slow jog.

Face to face connection is powerful, it’s what I personally desire, I struggle when I am alone at home, it’s been great lately I have my husband home who has been so supportive my kiddies as well, school holidays, feeling pretty good, no negativity, just possibilities x

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