From Dark to Light

Wednesday 15 May 2019

This week is probably a real good feel week, I have stepped up with my new work role, don’t ever give up on yourself, trust that inner voice that gives you strength to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, as hard an exhausting as it is, the outcomes can be limitless, it’s not easy that’s the truth, I think that’s why when you get to a level of confidence it’s like you are unbeatable, things just seem to flow, so being honest speaking my concerns has helped me to be at a stage in life where I’m very grateful.

Thursday 16 May 2019

I must be coming back to who I was prior to getting sick, I know I don’t go within myself as much trying to work out what is happening, I speak out more, this keeps the communication flowing, sometimes when I verbalise I’m struggling today if it is reciprocated back to me I feel better, like I’m not alone. With my Neurofeedback after each session I attend I am feeling like there is no limit to what we all can achieve, the older we get doesn’t mean our brain is going to stop learning like we always thought and were told, now is the time to challenge yourself into new exciting life experiences, your brain can create new paths at anytime of life, so don’t feel you need to be stuck in the Groundhog Day of life, do something about it, when you have confidence in something that you are passionate about you don’t need to be an A Grade student, it’s giving others hope that if you believe that this isn’t for you, determination pushing through one day at a time will get you to the bucket of gold at the end of the rainbow, nothing compares to this when your not yourself.

So writing this I am happy, words can’t explain really the relief I am starting to gain, I am so determined to give others the bucket of gold end result that I am gaining on, I share all the realness of exactly what life is like, everything the good the bad as that’s what it is, it’s no walk in the path at times it’s hard, exhausting with pain, just keep trying different examples to push past this.

Change your mindset to making something that is a negative to a positive, who would of thought that me living with depression can be turned around as a positive, well it has as I want to share to others the realness of this mind that can change someone just like me struggling at times with normal living functions that you can get through this, don’t give up, just keep doing your best, that’s all one can ever do.

Friday 17 May 2019

Waking at 6 am is a great time, I ran Rosie yesterday after work, love running near dark I feel like I’m getting faster whether that’s my impression, I def don’t feel as fatigued or going against the grind last night, seem to have more energy in me, such a difference from Tuesday when I did the same run, except I felt totally wiped out, like I had used everything to the point where I felt sick.

Whether it was my Neurofeedback session that was had the day before I’m just happy with the feelings I felt after my run last night, not tired if anything more energised, I haven’t had this feeling for a long time so maybe this could be the start to myself coming back, I did half marathons 10 years ago so I know that I can do it.

I know my brain is working more efficiently now, I feel that I am articulating what my mind wants to verbalise, there was a time not so long ago where I struggled with this occurrence, like my mind would either get stuck or like I was in idle mode, like someone from the outside could see the frustration I was in, I found it hard to communicate face to face, I was always overthinking what I knew deep down I just couldn’t process the information the right way, nothing flowed.

Whereas now I’m really put to the test with my new role at work, training others to do tasks that just come to me now that we’re just tucked away out of reach, the knowledge is back everything I am doing now is confirmed by this, there is definitely a flow with various situations testing this.

Energy is something I have been lacking in years, for the first time in I don’t know how long I am feeling less tired, this is an achievement in itself, you see you can’t really tell from the outside, you just keep pushing through, my normal thing would be to come home after work have a sleep as I was just exhausted, this would keep me getting through just achieving the normal night time tasks, I would still be tired still it would just get me through.

For me to not feel tired on a Friday night working more hours then ever and accomplishing two runs after work days is mind blowing, I feel like everything that I have been trying to achieve is attainable, that I’m living proof that there is hope for others who are struggling with depression/anxiety that the brain can change its neuropaths get unstuck from the current ones, I’m excited to share with others where I’m at, you don’t have to be smart you just have to learn, educate and understand what depression really is, that everyone is different, to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, to never give up on yourself as we all can help each other.

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