Friday 13 September 2019
Life lessons, this week has been easier then last week. I feel like I have stepped closer to where I am meant to be. I talk more about why I get so passionate about depression how I struggle with the fact that others are still leaving this life when they have still so much to give.
The sadness it leaves in their loved ones is tragic, if only they knew that they weren’t alone, that there are so many others out there feeling the same way.
My head hurts or gets a slight ache as this is spilling out from inside.
I know there is still this elephant in the room as much as we say there isn’t.
As I did a live FB on Wednesday for Thursday on depression and are you okay, only one person acknowledged out loud to me that they supported me.
Doesn’t that say something, that are we still to scared to acknowledge the truth, we need to be more open with this issue, these feelings if we want our kiddies to know that it’s okay to have struggles that they need to talk to us share with us if they aren’t feeling themselves.
I see this in front of me, I see how fragile they can be, it’s not easy with all the pressures of life I get it.
I still have those triggers wanting to sneak in a bring me down, it’s the self worth, it takes effort in just facing them not taking it personal it’s a daily battle, whether this still stems from feeling like the black sheep, I don’t know, I try so hard to not let the paranoia take over, I’m determined to just keep moving forward be happy with my achievements in where I’m at.
So each day when I’m walking up those steps I whisper to myself I’ve got this, that don’t look back just keep looking forward be in the now.
So music/podcasts anything that can keep my mind from jumping to the self worth dark place is what I do, I try and remain focused learning from others as well as zoning into my own space to not be overcome by paranoia.
I’m not going to lie it still sits there, it isn’t as deep or dark as it was, it still just sits there idling on the side hoping to get a chance to rear it’s ugly head. It’s ugly as it’s not me, it changes who I am as a person, so controlling this can take strength which I work at each day.
So not only does depression exhaust you it can change your personality to something that you wish you weren’t, the carefree person at times can be feeling like she is not worthy of what she does, she is frustrated at times of the why, she wishes she could just be satisfied, she is trying so hard to not let the darkness take over.
At 23 sessions of weekly neurofeedback she has come so far, she is determined to just keep putting that one foot in front of the other, she has to remain strong but also honest.
We have to be real with how we feel, this is how we can achieve our goals, it’s not easy I know I just know that these life lessons will hopefully shape us to share with others that we can get through this that this can make us stronger more confident each day by sharing this inner strength that we obtain from educating ourselves on how this works.