I’m bright, helping others to feel the light.

It has taken me a while to work this out, I have a time where I just switch off to everything, it’s normally first thing in the morning on a Sunday as I am alone while other is out.

I’m calling it my creative time as my thoughts just rush out with hurried relief, I’ve kept them locked in for a week so it feels good to just release them onto here.

So I have had another successful week, not one without challenges, which is fine as that’s what gives us determination to keep wanting to achieve.

I can’t stress how good I feel, 29th session of Neurofeedback I’m on the countdown, my brain is probably working the best it has in years and I’m so proud for where I’m at, not without determination and sometimes pain, it hasn’t been easy. I’d be lying to myself if I said different.

This does sound cheesy I know, if I can overcome depression, there is definitely hope for so many others, I’m 44 years old, I’m learning everyday that today is a new day, to enjoy the new beginnings, it’s a lifestyle change that I won’t risk doing anything different, no matter what !!

You see I still get migraines, I’m sensitive to gluten !! Just a grain can set me off, I know now what I can and can’t have, it’s just not worth the outcome, as it takes over me I try not to rush to the hard pain medication, there are times though where it is the only relief I get.

Pain isn’t nice for anyone it can make you not want it for anything, so it was okay this Wednesday as my Psychologist could see that my brain could function fine I just needed to have some tools in place.

So I downloaded the headspace app, started meditating, just basic breathing, calming.

Next morning I still had some pain, nothing severe just a dull ache, I was determined, I got out my yoga mat and did my yoga, normally I just go through the motions not really concentrating too much on the breathing, this time it was all about the breathing, I felt great afterwards my mind was fresh, there was no pain, this just confirms to me how powerful the mind is that me just doing yoga, decluttered the mind and opened up where the tightness was being kept.

So I am really pleased and have been meditating when I need to as I have the app on my phone.

I also use my oils as a combination of being mindful of where I am holding tension as I now know that stress and gluten breach causes my migraines.

I keep repeating all of what I do so that you understand it’s not about just popping a pill to make everything better.

I am still on my medication for depression, I have reduced this as instructed by my doctor, at one stage my goal was to not be on medication, that I didn’t needn’t to be on this.

Well I was mistaken !! I saw first thing how quickly someone can go downhill from being weaned off this, this was done as instructed by a Doctor as well, it scared me that I could do this and the consequences it caused.

I felt sick, I wasn’t happy, it made me realise that we are all different, each one of us that yes medication is a bandaid as such, it also does help to keep the brains serotonin balanced.

It confirmed for me that some of us need this more then others, that without this, we don’t function as we should.

Life lessons to the extreme I guess, which isn’t good for anyone, we are still working on this each day, I am happy now to not have the dream of being medication free, I have realised that some of us just need this, which is okay.

As long as we are aware, keep being proactive about where we are, then everything will keep being okay.

So I have had new beginnings for my work life and I am loving this. Not without frustration, hard work, learning again, feeling stupid at times, I am happier, I’m at a place where I set myself goals, just little achievable ones, so don’t expect things to happen, you have to go out of your comfort zones to get them.

Another thing that I can’t stress enough, depression is caused by your body going into shock at anytime of life this can be for example mine, having Molly I had a emergency caesarean so at the time my body needed more brain liquids to get me through the trauma, after this I didn’t have enough in my brain to cope with normal life from this.

It took a long time to realise this, I didn’t really notice I was different, my loved one did, I tried to fight off the craziness with exercise for a while to get those naturally endorphins, it didn’t work it wasn’t enough, I went downhill very quickly I was lucky that I got help and was given medication that instance, I still remember the stigma back then about, me not coping, it took me back to being at School that feeling of not being good enough to be in the right crowd.

I remember coming home, expressing this then realising I didn’t need to be in that place anymore, from that day I found others that were real and good for me.

Thinking back now, it was probably my own mind playing tricks on me, that paranoia, just so powerful.

So, the moral of this is …. depression can happen to anyone, it’s not something that you go out searching for.

I still remember one time telling someone openly I had this, the response was…. but your so nice !!! Like it was a bad thing that it changed me, that’s why I keep sharing my inner thoughts and belief as it can happen to anyone, if your body goes into shock !!! it just needs help to keep balanced, we can’t ignore the signs as it can downward spiral very quickly.

Look out for the signs, always ask this, tell them they are not alone, just be honest, speak the truth, just be real. X

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