I’m not going to lie


Wednesday 11 March 2020
It hasn’t been an easy few days, gluten breaches for me are real, the pain is real.
At the time of me risking the breach I was like I’ll be fine, you see you forget about pain as soon as you don’t have it.
So it’s day three, I still have the pain on my right hand side, it’s definitely improving as I didn’t wake during the night.
I can just feel the slight throb now on the right hand side.
My jaws are fine, they have settled so I feel like I’m coming off this.
I try not to let this take over my life when this occurs, yesterday I was determined to just keep pushing through.
I had asprin to reduce the pressure that seemed to work and I drank water as much as I could.
It only takes a crumb of flour these days to set me off, it seems to hit me worse each time.
I communicate that I’m struggling to my family so they know I’m precious, I just keep moving trying not to dwell on poor me crap.
As I know deep down this is temporary and it’s just a matter of time before this uncomfortable feeling will move on.
So while I’m here uploading my inner thoughts, my fortnightly sessions of Neurofeedback are going great, if anything my brain is loving the challenges that the Carnival is bringing. That’s why it’s so important to me to share how amazing and life changing Neurofeedback is, I’m 45 years old and my brain is like refurbished and I am thriving on what I can do with it.
From where I was to where I am is just amazing, I feel so fortunate to have had this opportunity and know that this has helped me overcome depression.
Yes I feel pain, that’s real it’s different though, I know it’s temporary when your depressed or have anxiety this can hit you like a wave when you don’t know it’s coming.
That is the scary part, you can be fine, feeling great then just like that you are struggling to breathe you are loosing yourself to the unknown of what is going on, you think your going crazy as the mind is powerful and it changes from wave to wave, you loose yourself to the despair of can I get out of this.
Until you have been in this space, it’s hard to explain to others what your going through.
It’s about setting yourself tiny goals, like okay let’s just get out of bed.
Triggers are what can start the downward spiral, you have to work out what these are, and face them, overcome them.
It’s not easy, so worth it though to achieve these goals, I know that I’m here to show others that you can overcome these moments, don’t give up, it’s temporary, that it’s okay to feel crappy that this is normal, life is about challenges not a fairy world.
You will appreciate the good times if you have been down in the darkness, we need to keep sharing the realness of life.
That depression and anxiety can happen to anyone, could be a matter of your body going into shock from something that just happens randomly. It’s how this starts, when our brains need extra chemicals to cope with a fight/flight reaction.
So little habits can make big differences in our lives.
I just wanted to give an update on the meditation, after I had my time of writing this morning I did my headspace app for meditation for pain, it worked I shifted the feeling, I was so distracted at work that there wasn’t any room for my pain, just work, work.
Wednesday 18 March 2020
Reflecting from last week to now a lot has changed with the world, the pain was real and now it’s gone which is great.
I’m lying here awake wondering why, circumstances are changing everyday and it’s sad to see what is happening with the world at the moment, it is what it is and we just have to take one day at a time and be kind to each other in this time of the unknown and ever changing situations.
If you can just do your best with each day and think about others and put our elderly and frail first, as we are so connected, if you have the thought that you should cancel an appointment as you are in the unknown then do it, your better to cancel this then put others in danger.
So, another thing that you do start to think about is medication, we are dependent on this those that are on these and anxiety can rise with just being on constant alert that these could run out, I have been assured this will not happen. It is good though to make sure you have enough for two weeks in advance, so just start to have things in place incase we do go into self isolation.
Also with this panic of the unknown, communication is important, everyone is feeling the uncertainty, I noticed it in the Supermarket on Sunday, children were crying, I realised how they sense our anxiety, we really need to not forget about our children in this situation, it would be scary for them seeing what is unfolding in front of them. Be honest with them, explain what is really happening so they know what is causing all this fuss of empty shelves.
Importantly we need to still talk to people, technology is good for sending messages and emails, the human voice can settle a situation and make things right.
Hearing the emotions in a situation can help others to understand, we are all human the power of the voice is real and we rely too much on just sending messages when you can just speak to people and convey actual truth in situations, talking to someone in any situation is what needs to happen. As hard as it can be, taking the time and effort of doing this reflects your true worth and we are only human and can do our best.
It is so worth it, knowing you have done your best, being honest is all you can be in any circumstance.

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