Yesterday was are you okay day …
It was big for me … and I was consumed with this for a day at least wanting to make sure everything that come out was right, that the moment it come out made others realise the importance of this day and how it effects so many people.
You see I’m one of the lucky ones that has had great support from my family and my friends. They never gave up on me when I was down, it breaks me though when I hear of others leaving this life before their time as I know that you can get out of the darkness gosh if I can you just have to keep taking one day at a time as hard as this was and just have a little bit of hope that you can do this.
I can articulate what I’m going through better in writing then speaking my words and I knew I couldn’t babble so I had a script as such, it did bring up emotions as I knew it would as it has been such a huge part of my life this depression and to be honest it was meant to be. As hard at times it was to function with the frustration I knew deep down this was more then just me this was the path I was meant to be on as if I hadn’t gone on this path the way I had I wouldn’t have seen the decline of what this illness can do to my own.
I got the gut feeling as a Mother, it scared me though that it was right in front of me and I still could of let this slip as it’s so smart and the subtly it comes to disguise itself is scary, when it takes hold though there is no stopping what it can do to anyone it scared me, it comes in different forms for everyone as we are all so different.
So I went with my gut it wasn’t easy and there were tears of anguish not wanting help, I knew though this was bigger then me that you have to keep searching for what is the right fit for everyone, we only live once I was determined to push through the signs I just had to get to the right person who would find the answer.
In time things started to fall into place, I knew I was getting my grey child back to himself, this is still a path that we are on I’m never getting off this path as it’s not easy and I can see this, not exactly the same way, I just know it isn’t easy and my goal is to just make him happy, that’s all you want for your children to be happy for things not to be so hard.
So we may take some steps forward and two steps back it’s a progress that will forever be what it is and as a Mum I’m okay with this, acceptance is understanding that we all have different paths we are all so unique in our own ways that’s what makes this life special the combination of all the differences of us.
Getting back to my voice leading up to the event I was nervous, I wanted my heart to reach out to others to impact them to think if they are struggling that there is hope.
If putting myself in front of others stripping back my walls of happiness to show the pain that this illness can cause to so many of us is worth that impact that this may cause others then so be it.
I’m not ashamed of anything that I have written in the past it is real and it’s raw, to be honest I was sick of others not understanding the realness of how this can effect us so individual. That there is nothing to be ashamed of we aren’t bad people we just need some help, we aren’t broken it’s just we really don’t know what is happening at the time, so don’t ever assume if you get a gut feeling just ask the question, are you okay as this can change someone’s life without you even knowing. Let them know that they are not alone, this can take the weight off anyone’s shoulder knowing this, I know personally we just all have to help each other by sharing our own journeys and ways of life, teaching our children that life isn’t easy that if you do your best that’s all we want, to breathe and be in the moment.
Yesterday was are you okay day …