with myself at present, it’s my mind lack of motivation if anything I don’t know why I’m feeling this way and it’s not easy, I’m not sure if I’m burnt out I’m exhausted. I haven’t felt this way in a long time and I’m worried that I’m not coping with normal things.
I’m trying to do everything right and I just can’t seem to do enough, I’m hoping offloading what is going on in my headspace will give me clarity.
I’m ashamed of how I am feeling and I wish I could just be normal.
I have filled the bucket too quickly and now I’m struggling to empty this.
The hard part for me personally is that I don’t know I’m filling the bucket until it’s overflowed, now I’m struggling with what to do first, everything suddenly feels hard.
So I’m lying here just trying to concentrate on breathing as normally I can do this and everything just seems to overwhelm me.
I’m angry at myself for getting to this state and I’m frustrated as I really don’t know how I got here so quickly.
Deep breathes as I am thinking what I can do, put my tools into place.
I guess I’m lucky though as I know I’m not right at the moment, that I can only do what I can, that as hard as it is there are others so worse off.
My feet are twitching, my head isn’t liking my download of all these thoughts trying to fit on this page.
So little steps for me, I am aware that this is a time not like no other and I’m thankful I have my kids here.
As I know I’m not feeling myself and it scares me, I just want to not feel as tired.
Deep breathes, it’s important for me to share these thoughts of what the is going on in my mind.
I’m no superwoman and I was feeling really good at one stage I was running more then I normally do, that’s my point, you forget that you can’t do everything, you just keep trying to achieve the impossible then now I’m annoyed that I’m at this point of headspace where the calm has gone, I have to just try and do little stints.
Acknowledging that I’m struggling with my current moment is okay, look it’s not ideal but I’m determined to face the world and just do my best.
So being real is all I can be, if I have to go back to basics then I will.
We have to be strong for our kiddies, so they understand that life isn’t easy at times, if you just keep doing your best with each situation that’s all we can do.
So I’m lying here knowing that I am lucky, I am just going to start my to do list and do one thing at a time.
Breathing and being grateful that I have wonderful family and friends.
Not be too hard on myself for the state I’m currently in, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I can do this, I am strong, little steps for me.
Distraction is something that is something that can help you get out of your current mind thoughts.
So first thing I do is put music on my station triplej as this helps. Music has been my go to since I was a teenager it puts me in a happy place.
Also I have put my oil on balance to ground me, bottom of my feet and behind my ear. Haven’t done this for a long time, tools are really important to help overcome these waves of jumble.
Communication is a big thing, honesty … I told both my kiddies yesterday that I’m struggling that I need help, that I need them to assist me in doing as they are told eg electronics not in bedroom, not studying in bedroom or schooling as such. Just so they can see that it will help me.
You know I’m one of the lucky ones, I have really good support services and to communicate to them what I have written helps them to help me. It puts things into perspective that I’m just off my path at the moment and I will get back on this path just gradually as the footprints are already there, I have just lost my way at present and everything that I’m going through is understandable with are you okay and just the current climate that we are in.
So deep breathes, feeling better as I know I have been real with everyone that needs to know that I’m doing my best with what the situation is and will get through this.
On a brighter note, I did some yoga tonight, it’s amazing how good this feels and it made for a nice night.
Talking and just doing little steps has made me feel better.
So I’m living in the now, grateful of my loved ones especially my hippie as he just gets me and is there for me, with all my special mind health issues.
It’s important that I share the realness of what happens when I’m consumed with this heaviness. I know I’m not alone, which makes me feel that lighter in just taking the steps to make do with what is this present moment.