There are mornings

Where you wake up and you just struggle to breathe, you know that today isn’t going to be easy deep down in your toes, there is a skittish feeling in them, breathe in breathe out I keep telling myself.
I know now I’m juggling from feeling super great to the opposite end of I’m on the edge of freaking out.
Well I should realise this as last week I was going from one end to the other in a couple of days.
So I’m aware of this uneasiness to relax, I’m going to put all my tools in place and just do my best.
That’s really all you can do when this wave is upon us, just get ready for either the dumping or be calm and swim through.
The funny thing is I know I should be doing my yoga and meditation I just can’t get there, my mind keeps telling me that this isn’t needed, breathe in breathe out I have all the usual signs of scratching of head feeling jittery.
I am going to do yoga, as I know this is when I need it the most.
Watch this space, so I managed some of my yoga not all of it, just enough to get rid of the static energy I was feeling.
Surprisingly I had a really good day, distraction really helps and I listened to my mind, went out in the sunshine was good, didn’t eat too much heavy food just little amounts, really got into my zone.
It’s important for me to be real and share this with you.
That you can have good days and not so good, it keeps me grounded knowing that this is what it is, that I can only do my best with each day, to enjoy the moments of feeling so good that it’s ridiculous.
I was in a place just recently that I did feel at times I could be in that place of the now it took some time and practice.
Anyhow, the tingling isn’t as intense as it was yesterday, I am feeling more calm.
Breathe in, breathe out is more easy as well, the simplest of things you just have to be aware that at times this needs more thought as it will calm you.
I didn’t force myself into having to complete something I started either, with meditation I just did what I could I didn’t put pressure into having to complete, the same with the yoga I just did what I felt was enough.
There is at times a line that if you do too much then you hit exhaustion which I know can floor me for days, so knowing my limits is good.
So at present I’m feeling calm, knowing I’m in control that I can only do my best with how I’m feeling. It helps me to offload what is swimming in my mind, I’m starting to feel excited for my day with new beginnings the start of coming back to normality is exciting.

That was then this is now, I’m listening to my body more and taking time to stop and breathe if I feel I’m getting to the stage of doing too much as I now know that it seems to happen without me acknowledging I’m getting to that point and then I’ve burnt out which can take a day or two to recharge.
Running is good for my headspace, I just have to not overdo it as this can tip me into exhaustion.
I love running it’s such a good feeling with the feeling of achievement, as it isn’t easy around here either with hills so I really feel good when I have done a run.
I am still getting there, it’s funny it’s like I had to hit rock bottom to get back up to feeling good again.
This time it only took a couple of days feeling this way to come back to myself. So was good to know if I keep using my tools to assist me when I’m not in a good mind space that it’s okay to feel this way. That it’s only temporary that these feelings will pass.
I am going to just still take one day at a time, just gradually being kind to myself.
My hippie is protective of me, I communicate when my head is heavy and he gets me now, the more we share the true realness of struggles the easier it becomes.
You don’t feel as frustrated with yourself, by doing this it takes the pressure off myself, to know the feelings will pass.

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