I’m always wondering

I’m always wondering am I doing enough, I should realise that things aren’t going to change that it is what it is. I still get emotional and I shouldn’t as I know that everyone is different that things aren’t going to change.
Why is it though that I have to hear it from someone else to believe the situation.
I question myself ….
I’m not coping with life I find I’m comparing others to mine and it hurts.
The wondering that I should be doing more.
Getting these emotions out is making me feel better, today I’m determined to do my best.
As you know me it’s about being real and helping others, I can’t lie I still have hope each day that today will be different accepting that it’s not going to change is the hardest I don’t know why I get so emotional. I guess it’s because I know the feeling of loosing yourself and how scary that feeling is I just want to do everything and feel that I’m doing nothing.
As a parent it’s hard to know we are doing everything, I feel like I’m always searching for the right fit and at times I see the brightness in there then it disappears I’m sad that I’m loosing this inner battle to make life normal it makes me feel crap.
I’m determined, no we are determined to do what is right in making life easier with never giving up on searching for what will be the right fit.
We know now that everyone has there own special quirks it’s what makes us unique in this life of ever changing challenges.
I want to show others not to give up on what can seem so hard, that everyone has their own personal battles whether we share them or not it’s totally up to ourselves.
Yes, I share – it’s my inner thoughts just getting out of my head space trying to determine my next move.
I have done my run this morning which always gives me a bounce in my step.
Lately if I feel flat during the day I meditate for a few minutes, it really helps to just reset my goals in what I want to achieve.
Music is my go to and I love zoning out to this and getting things done.
I have been really careful not overdoing things since my last little setback, I’m listening to my body more, going to bed each night at the same time as sleep is what really helps you to function.
We make sure our electronics are all in our room out of everyone’s reach as well as internet so creates healthy habits.
It’s a constant battle getting us to be in the one room, simple things are forever challenging.
We are lucky though, we are safe, have good jobs and live in a great neighbourhood with wonderful friends.
So even though it can seem like there is darkness I am forever grateful for where I am in life and have no regrets for anything that I have been through as I know that it makes for a amazing life.
It’s like you have to hit rock bottom to appreciate the great feeling you get when you are good.
So take the time to smell the roses, as time is going by ever so quickly.

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