I write when I need ….

I write when I need to clear space
More often lately I haven’t needed to do this, I do think it’s important to keep everyone updated on where I’m at as I have waves of should I share or shouldn’t I, am I needy of this or should I just get it out and just do what I think is right.
So ironing this morning I normally have music to distract me or a pod cast to listen to I didn’t have anything I just had the thoughts in my head.
I realised I don’t give myself time to do this normally as it would be not healthy at one stage if my life to let these thoughts just go awol, now though I find it constructive if anything.
I think of things that just randomly pop in and I make note of what has to be done.
I’m really pleased with life at present, I’m enjoying the time off my normal schedule with spending time with my kiddies and family.
I’m constantly learning new things about the business so my brain is happy with new things.
Christmas wasn’t easy, it is hard at times being in the space where there are memories of the last moments of being with my Dad. There are constant reminders of him which makes me smile, pesky cockatoos tapping on the glass door to be fed random times of the day. The water where he spent a great deal of his time fishing. His presence is felt everywhere especially with Russell & Chester.
I feel for Mum as well, I am not as bright and bubbly as my siblings so I try to not get too sad.
I’m not the only one though going through this, there are so many others with this moment of hardship and the first moments are the hardest, it does get easier over time, you know that they would want you to be happy so there is that thought that makes you smile when you buy those cherries as memories of what you grew up with makes them taste better.
Memories!!! are so important it’s remembering the moments of growing up being with the person who moulded you to who you are today that remains forever in your heart.
It’s when I butter a piece of bread and spread it as thick as cheese I think of him.
It’s having habits that I have picked up over the years that I know he is still part of me.
So with tears rolling down my face now as I know I have unlocked a vault for a moment, I smile as I love that he is still with me that I still see him in others in myself and I know he would be proud of all of us at where we are in this crazy time of our life’s.
So, enjoy every moment don’t overthink what you need to be doing, relax – breathe – smile, be content as I am, listen to others and just be.
So maybe this is why I don’t write as often, as I seem to dive into a place within that I keep closed.
Breathe …. yes, feeling better maybe lighter for sure.
May this new year be easier for others, that you look at challengers as a positive.
I know things are brighter for others, that by starting to get out and get the endorphins pumping will make life that bit better.
Until next time ….

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