Hair …
You don’t realise how much your hair is apart of your identity.
It’s your thing that makes you feel good about yourself.
It’s what protects you, you can hide behind it.
Just recently I decided to shave part of my head for a cause.
At the time I was like why not !!! I didn’t mind the thought of doing something reckless for such a worthy cause was a no brainer.
It was a team event and I was surprised to be the only one shaving my head, everyone else decided to colour their hair, which is fine and I get it.
So, I got part of my head shaved, at the time I was calm just internalising what was happening, thinking of others that don’t have this choice that it is part of a illness.
After it was done, I walked to the ladies and looked into the mirror.
Was shocked to see myself with less hair, my ears stood out and I looked different.
Everyone commented on how good it looked, I just tried to be happy with it, still processing what had just happened.
So going home that day, I was exhausted and slept on the lounge soon after.
It made me realise how something can effect you, that you can internalise your thoughts that the realise of this finally happening let the emotions escape.
So …. it’s made me understand that not only when you have this disease and feel crappy that you also loose part of your own self to make things even harder.
The thing is I could choose to have my hair shaved or coloured, it was my decision – I could have it all shaved or part.
When your sick, you don’t have this option you loose this control.
Not having control isn’t the easiest thing, it’s part of life that we are in charge of our own destiny.
So I’m reflecting now, as I have this time to just think which I’m better if I’m busy …. we aren’t satisfied at times with anything, if we have thick hair we want thin hair if we have thin hair we want thick hair, curly hair straight the list goes on.
I have just realised, just be content with what we have enjoy the change this is really me I’m talking to, experiment !!! There are no rules I’m really just telling myself to suck it up !!
I’m enjoying the feel of this as I had short hair growing up and it does take me back, I was one to get my hair cut at a party to try and fit in and at the time it was cool as it made me feel like I was liked.
I really struggled to fit in at High School it wasn’t a nice time for me, I went into my own little Megan’s world to help me get through being picked on and being scared.
It caused me not to learn easily as I wasn’t enjoying my environment and I did have friends who I love to this day I just wasn’t happy and I didn’t realise my full potential till I left that environment.
I was lucky though, I had my parents who put no pressure on me and knew that I would be okay.
My only saving grace at this time of being in High School was the School Bus and my friends that I travelled with everyday, I was a different person on this and I had confidence.
It took me a lot of years to come out of my shell and when I did I have achieved so much personally I am proud.
I have changed my life to be where I am now and it wasn’t easy and at times I have been at my lowest.
I don’t know where all these emotions are coming from today, I guess I keep so busy these days I don’t let them have the time to come out.
I do feel lighter just getting them out, sharing what is going on within.
So just be content with where you are at, there are others that are suffering or that have seen the suffering that unfortunately can’t control what is happening and it’s sad, heart breaking actually.
One day they are here with us and then they are gone, not forgotten always in our heart, part of them always living on within us xxx

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