The Change

The Change
I haven’t opened the vault for a while, I guess I’m scared to see what will come out as it’s been quite a while – I mostly just keep busy these days it helps and I enjoy the challenge.
So what crazy times these are, my head still struggles with what everyone is feeling just the unknown of when this will end.
I haven’t felt down like feeling like crap, I do feel for our kids who are most vulnerable with not seeing their friends or having that face to face connection. I do struggle with not being able to make them happy or just abit easier.
So I haven’t felt like I needed to write, I guess I’m scared what can happen when I allow myself to just freely be restrained from this moment of ground hog day.
I’m not sad or poor me at this point and haven’t felt really down for a while.
Not sure if this is due to me being so distracted with the current situation that everyone is in or that I feel the need to share my headspace anymore as I feel the shift in depression/anxiety mental health it is coming to a point where I can openly say with confidence and no shuddering of feeling embarrassed or self worth that I live with depression and I’m fine with this as it’s who I am and I wouldn’t change this pathway that I’ve walked – yes there were crap times but there were the best times and I believe I have depression for a reason that I support and love everyday.
As cheesy as this sounds I am going pretty good, I’m not going to say I’m happy as honestly I really don’t know what that is and how do you define happiness.
It’s the little things that make me appreciate where I’m at – I’m constantly learning more about contentment.
Sure I have crap days like everyone – I do think I’m overthinking at the moment.
My main concern are our kids at the moment to keep an eye on them.
I see how easy bad habits can come about and have really seen the difficulties of online learning or exams.
So I woke this morning realising that there is definitely a shift with my focus on mind health and this is the longer our kids can’t see their friends the harder it is the quicker they can feel down and frustrated and we need to make an effort to try and help them because their brains are in a place of unknown we aren’t sure of the next freedom of such and we as parents can cope as we can go do essential shopping and our work keeps us busy.
With school holidays there is no routine – I can see the way in which the face to face connection that they are used to can have an effect on even someone who is normally fine.
So make the effort and look for signs as they are there and do something about it.
There are grey areas in our current guidelines and sometimes we have to do what is best which is worth seeing a smile or feeling less helpless with this moment in times.
Look for subtle shifts and act on them, personally I know how quickly you can go down loosing yourself without really acknowledging that this is happening.

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